I was recently talking to someone who is paid significant amounts to give advice about real estate. I have always been impressed with their confidence; these are huge deals with tremendous fixed capital outlay. As we know, in real estate as in many other high stakes businesses, there are no guarantees. Where do these people in these positions get the confidence that whatever their level of knowledge, it is enough to do the work and give their opinion to people who may go or no-go a deal based on it?
For those who may remember the Friends episode where Phoebe asked Ross, with his PhD in Paleontology, how he could be so sure about evolution. She used the example that at one time the most knowledgeable people in the world thought the world was flat until they learned otherwise. No matter what reasoning he gave, she pushed the question if there wasn’t even an infinitesimal possibility that he was wrong about the evolution of dinosaurs. Eventually he relented.
The Heart of Imposter Syndrome
The fear at the heart of imposter syndrome is that eventually it will be discovered that we don’t really know enough of whatever it is we were hired to know. Though to Phoebe’s point, do we ever really know anything absolutely and completely? If not, perhaps the real imposter is the one who believes they do, rather than the one who is afraid they don’t? Or maybe “knowing” is always partial, and those struggling with imposter syndrome assume it must be 100% to count as knowledge at all.
In my work as a coach, some clients come specifically because they feel like impostors. Others come for something else, but eventually realize imposter syndrome is what is holding them back. Early on, I used to reassure them that many people feel this way. I learned quickly that this did little to ease their discomfort. The real work is helping them understand what enough means: enough knowledge, enough skill, enough experience. The interesting thing about being “enough” is that it is completely variable. It depends on the subject, the circumstances, who else is in the room and, no shocker here, the individual.
How Do We Get Past This?
Since there is no absolute measure of “enough,” the place to start is identifying where we set our benchmark and who we think is holding the ruler. Who told us what was expected? And did they actually say that? I once worked with a client who was making herself sick trying to excel at something that turned out not to be part of her job at all. She was consumed with worry about how colleagues were judging her. Imagine someone in sales feeling responsible for the success of all marketing campaigns and terrified of being exposed for not knowing anything about marketing at all. In that case, the issue wasn’t not knowing enough but that they were trying to do too much.
It is true that everyone has moments of uncertainty including doubts about whether they know enough. The difference lies in how they relate to that uncertainty. The most effective people I know are comfortable not being the smartest person in the room. They trust that what they know is sufficient for the task at hand and defer to others when deeper expertise is needed. They are honest about their experience, share what they know transparently, and extrapolate responsibly from it. They also understand that expertise is fleeting – innovations and new discoveries can quickly turn any expert into a novice. Asking questions and learning in real time doesn’t threaten their credibility; it strengthens it.
If honesty is one antidote to imposter syndrome, the other is openness and excitement to learn more. Take two people with identical knowledge and experience. The one who doesn’t feel like an imposter embraces learning as part of their credibility. The one who does fears that learning openly will make them vulnerable and expose them as a fraud.
How Do You Define Enough?
When someone else in the room knows more or is more skilled, we can feel exposed, or we can let curiosity take over. Think of a child who turns over every rock, eager to see what’s underneath. Some of us never lose that wonder. Not only is there no shame in learning, but curious, questioning learners are often the most respected people in the room. It takes practice to stop fixating on what is “enough” and instead to be honest about what is, while recapturing the wonder for the rest. Rather than leading with I am not enough, try I am at my best when I am learning and growing. You can’t be an imposter while you’re learning. The antidote to imposter syndrome is leaving the room knowing more than you did when you walked in.